The manual

I firmly believe that there is a fundamental flaw or gap that we as humans have somehow failed to correct in the last 200,000 years or so of our existence.

We, do not come with instructions.

I mean we’ve evolved opposable thumbs, we walk upright, we have a far more aesthetically pleasing forehead than the fossil record of ourselves would suggest. We have far less cause for knuckle-dragging too and with our ability to write ideas and facts down, we are all able to share any information with others in a detailed, widely understood and accepted way.

As an aside, in other respects, we seem to have regressed.

Take Bieber for example. He appears to be an evolutionary step backwards for men in general and masculinity in particular. He represents an androgynous, dystopian future that I care not to dwell too much on. I don’t care how many tattoo’s he has, he still hasn’t grown up and he seems to hold the world in contempt. Suffice to say, if he doesn’t grow into a human man soon, an entire generation of girls will come to believe that he is the norm – what then for human kind?

Back to the point of this post though; something we are all in desperate need of is an operating manual. An honest to goodness list of operating instructions containing a candid declaration of what’s in the box, a list of requirements, a list of parts, known issues and incompatibilities, standards and deviations. The lot.

Here’s the trick though, it should be up to each one of us to write our own manual from the time we are able to write and then keep it up to date. Prior to us being able to write, our parents should be documenting our quirks and behaviours as they uncover them. A biography if you will. Once we take over, it should then be mandatory for us to keep it up to date. Complete honesty, should be driven through the customer experience – more on that later though.

With our manual in tow, whenever we meet someone new that will play a role in our lives more significant than say – exchanging cash for coffee at the local starbucks, we can then exchange manuals, giving the new person in our lives a crows-nest view of ourselves and vice versa. The idea being that when you experience a glitch with another person, for whom you have a manual, one can quickly check their manual to see how to sort the problem out. That’s assuming it is a problem, it might just be standard operating procedure for that person, in either case, we’d know exactly how to handle that person.

Imagine someone you work with passing an idea of yours off as their own. You would immediately be able to check their manual and see that yes, they are, in fact just complete assholes. It says so right there in their manual. You would then also be able to annotate their manual under the asshole declaration section and say yes, this person is quite accurate in their assessment of themselves. Here’s my rubber stamp, asshole. Or you know, you could check their asshole status when you first meet them and then, armed with that information, you could make more informed choices when dealing with that particular asshole.

The entire premise would be based on complete honesty. For instance, an undocumented asshole would instantly become a pariah for not declaring their asshole status. So while it may not seem like an obvious thing to do, this honesty idea, it would be far better to declare yourself an asshole, and act like one, than not declare it at all and then subsequently act like one.

That would, in this new future, be a social faux pax on a level about a thousand times more serious than say farting in a crowded lift or peeing in a pool.

There, I’ve planted the seed, now let’s all think of the potential applications for this idea and spread it far and wide.

As I proofread this, I realise that this post has mostly been about the word asshole. To the more sensitive reader, I humbly apologise. In my defense however, my manual would, on page one, read as follows:

Uses the word asshole a lot.

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About theconnblog

A wizard. Worked in Oz before the popular wizard took over. View all posts by theconnblog

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